Children Bloopers

Weird News : Money from Heavens

Cash raining down from the heavens might have seemed like a Christmas gift, but anyone in this western Massachusetts town who grabbed some of it is being asked to please give it back. The money, totaling $1,100 belonged to 83-year-old lady, Mary Olive Corbiere, who was banking on it to buy Christmas presents and lost it after a freak accident.
Corbiere had left a drugstore Tuesday and was putting her bags in her car when a wind gust pushed her shopping cart — still containing her purse and cane — into the back of a nearby delivery truck.
The cart somehow became stuck in a rear wheel well before the truck pulled away and disappeared into traffic. “Everything was normal, then I turned around and the cart had taken off,” said Corbiere, a retired English teacher and nurse.
The cart was dragged for blocks along one of the town’s busiest thoroughfares as the driver, oblivious to what had occurred, headed to the next delivery. Witnesses told police that when the purse finally burst open, strangers stopped and grabbed the fluttering currency, which Corbiere had withdrawn for holiday shopping and bills.
Officers found Corbiere’s tattered checkbook and cane — but little cash. They are urging people not to be Grinches and return any of the money they might have found. “We’re hoping people will do the right thing,” police Sgt. Charles Dodge said.
Corbiere, though, isn’t waiting around for the money’s return. She headed to the bank Wednesday to get a new checkbook and make another withdrawal. She didn’t even bother to retrieve the battered purse from police.
“That’s no use to me now,” she said. “What I really needed badly is my cane, and I am lucky I did get that back.” Well eventhough the season is upon us I don’t think much of this money will be returned.

Healthy at 100!

Instant Abs

Riddle #12

What gives you the power to walk through walls?
A door!

Riddle #11

What did the ocean say to the beach ?

Nothing. It just waved!

Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made." A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

Hands up or...

Dyslexia

Royal Trip

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip are entertaining the King and Queen of Tonga, during the visit they accept a customary ride in the horse drawn cart around the grounds of Sandringham Castle. During the trip one of the horses farts and the sound and smell carries all the way through the cart to the royals. Embarrassed by this, the queen whispers in Phillip's ear "do you think I should mention that to our guests?". Phillip agrees saying "yes, that would be a good idea". So the queen leans over to the the King of Tonga and says: "please do excuse me, I'm very embarrassed about that", to which the king of Tonga replies, "that's ok ma'am, I thought it was the horse".

Weird News : Yummy Discovery

A man in Florida was halfway through an order of steamed clams when he bit down on something hard, it was a rare, iridescent purple pearl. George Brock and his wife, Leslie, had been spent the day at the beach Friday in South Florida and stopped at Dave’s Last Resort & Raw Bar for a bite. Their discovery is thought to be valued at $6,000 US or more. The gems are found most frequently in large New England quahogs, clams known for violet coloring on the inside of their shells. The clams in the $10 plate came from Apalachicola in the Florida Panhandle, said restaurant manager Tom Gerry.

Attending a Funeral can be funny...

Riddle #10

What does a farmer use to count his cattle?
A COWculator!

Riddle #9

Which is faster: Hot or Cold?
Hot, 'cause you can catch a cold!

Easter Comes Once a Year

Baby Biker!!

Plural of Child ??

"What is the plural of man, Willie? " asked the teacher.
"Men" he answered,
"And what is the plural of child? "
" Twins " replied Willie again

Same Dog

Teacher: " This essay on your dog is, word to word, the same as your brother's ."
Student: " Yes Sir, Its the same dog."

Good Start.. Poor Ending

The Law of Gravity

A school kid asks his teacher, "Is it true that the law of gravity keeps us on earth ?", The teacher replied, "Yes."
the kid asked, "Then what kept us before the law was passed.

Psychology Courses

A New teacher, trying to make use of her psychology courses started her class by saying, " Anyone who thinks he's stupid, stand up." After a few seconds, Johnny stood up. The teacher said, do you think you're stupid, Johnny ?" "No Miss" he said. But i hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." !!

Vowels in English words ??

There are several english words that contain all 5 vowels. Can you name one? One contains all the vowels in order. Can you name it?

Education, Euphoria, Precarious, Pneumonia, Ambidextrous, and Unequivocal.
Adventitious. ( all the vowels in order. )

Riddle # 8

What is even smarter than a talking bird?
A Spelling Bee!

Who is the greatest underwater spy?
James POND!

What sickness does a martial artist have?
Kung FLU!

Why are there gates around graveyards?

Because everybody is DYING to get in!

Alchoholic

101 Uses for Raw meat

Poor Ref

Suicidal Teens Wanted by US Army

Basketball Kick

Weird News : Teen recovering from 9-story attempted suicide jump

PHILADELPHIA — A teenager who jumped from his ninth-floor bedroom window in a suicide attempt is recovering, but doctors are unsure whether he will walk again.
Jordan Burnham, 18, still cannot stand on his reconstructed left leg, which was shattered in the Sept. 28 leap from his apartment complex. But his recovery has amazed both him and his doctors.
"Nine stories. It's amazing that I'm still alive," he told The Philadelphia Inquirer for a story in Sunday's editions.
Burnham, a high school senior in King of Prussia outside Philadelphia, was suffering from depression before he jumped out of his bedroom window and hit the ground at 50 mph. He landed on his left side and broke his pelvis, and his left leg was shattered above and below the knee.
His left wrist, skull and jaw were fractured. There was extensive internal bleeding.
"The fact that he fell nine stories certainly puts his survival as sort of an exceptional event," said trauma surgeon Patrick Reilly, who treated Burnham. "Someone who falls nine stories, the majority of those patients should die, many before they ever reach medical attention."
Burnham survived the fall because he landed on earth instead of asphalt, and because he did not land on his head or neck, doctors said. He was also young and fit and received immediate medical attention.
Burnham was treated at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania for 89 days before he was moved to a rehab hospital, where he remains.
With the help of three therapists last week, Burnham stood on his right leg for one minute. Doctors can't promise he'll walk, but won't rule it out.

Riddle #7

The ages of a father and son add up to 66. The father's age is the son's age reversed. How old could they be? (3 possible solutions).

Answer
51 and 15. 42 and 24. 60 and 06.

Riddle #6

If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg what kind of chicks would hatch

Answer
Roosters don"t lay eggs."

Funny Children Part 2

Funny Children Part1

Riddle #5

I am not alive but I grow; I don't have lungs but I need air; I don't have a mouth but water kills me. What am I?

Answer
Fire

Riddle #4

I am slim and tallMany find me desirable and appealing.They touch me and I give a false good feeling.Once I shine in splendorBut only once and then no more.For many I am 'to die for'.What am I ?

Answer
Sadly I am a cigar.

Cubicle Aquarium

New Iraqi Urinals

Weird News : Live Until You're 120

A pill which scientists claim could increase average life expectancy to 120 years is to be tested in Scotland.Steve Parkinson, the Scottish-born president of US pharmaceutical giants CereMedix, revealed the drug is set to be trialled there.Its creators say the drug will slow down the signs of ageing by repairing and restoring the body's natural defences, reports the Daily Record.At present, average life expectancy in Britain is 75 years old.The new pill contains the protein ependymin, which is produced by the brain and stimulates the body into making its own disease-fighting antioxidants.These are found in fruit and vegetables, and researchers claim the new pill has the equivalent effect of eating 30lbs of fruit and vegetables every day.Mr Parkinson said: "Everyone taking a pill will feel better and have more energy. Instead of pumping the patient full of chemicals, we will be giving them a more natural drug."Now trials at Edinburgh University will see if help is at hand and test the drug on those with lung disease.The university's Professor Bill MacNee says it could also have a huge effect on the treatment of Alzheimer's and strokes.He said: "If it works, it will have all sorts of implications, not only for lung conditions but any other disease in which oxidative stress plays a part."

Accountants and Engineers on a Train

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

What's on your back?

A German, an Indian, and a American are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured.The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the American, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the American, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch."What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the Indian. He responds, "I'll take the American."

Baseball Heaven ??

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Just like they did every day. Abe turned to Sol and asked, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Soloman thought about it for a minute and replied, "I dunno, Abe, but let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me --if there is baseball in heaven." They shook on it. Sadly, a few months later poor Abe passed on. One day soon afterward, Sol was sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he heard a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responded, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is Sol," whispered the spirit of Abe. Sol, still amazed, asked, "So, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well," Abe said, "I got good news and I got bad news." "Gimme the good news first," said Sol. Abe said, "Well... there is baseball in heaven." Sol said, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighed and whispered, "You're pitching on Friday."

Riddle #3

Sergi and Sally where sitting in their family room one night. While Sergi was watching T.V his wife Sally was reading. All of a sudden the power went out and Sergi decided to go to bed, but Sally kept on reading. With no use of artificial light, Sally kept on reading. How ??

Answer
Sally was blind... she was reading a book by Braille.

Great Paint Job

Fall from Bike

What a Jump 10/10

Super Bowl

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

Never Argue the Price of a Screw

A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in: $4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.

Chalk Batman Rescue

Overloaded

Finding Nemo??

Riddle #2

Only one color, but not one size, Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, Doing no harm, and feeling no pain. What is it ??

Answer
It's a Shadow!

Riddle #1

Question :
I am weightless but you can see me. Put me in a bucket and I"ll make it lighter. What am I?"

Answer:
A hole.

Weird News : Zoo pays big bucks to keep big snake named Fluffy

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Fluffy, a 24-foot python billed as the largest snake in captivity, is staying put to lure visitors into the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.
The zoo paid $35,000 to the snake's breeder in Oklahoma to keep the reticulated python on permanent display. While on loan last year, the python helped draw 1.53 million visitors, just under the zoo's attendance record of 1.56 million set in 2006, said Pete Fingerhut, the zoo's associate director.
Fluffy is about as long as a moving van and thick as a telephone pole.
Bob Clark, the breeder from Oklahoma City who raised the python from a hatchling, initially resisted the zoo's purchase offer but said he's happy with the outcome.
"I really love that snake; I think it's a special animal," he said. "It's so big and tame and wonderful. But I have to deal with the realities of life like everyone else. I like to have the money, and I know she's got a great place to live there."
The Columbus Zoo doesn't buy animals very often, said Executive Director Jerry Borin. Its animals generally come as exchanges from other zoos or through breeding loans or donations, he said.
Fluffy is on display in a 25-foot enclosure with a pool and a few plants, where he eats two 10-pound rabbits a week. In the wild, pythons native to Asia eat whatever they can catch, starting with mice and lizards when they're small and graduating to pigs and goats. There are a few reports of human victims.
The largest known reticulated python, named for the cross-hatching patterns on their skin, was 32 feet, 9 1/2 inches when killed in 1912 in Indonesia.

Greatest Bush Speech

Funny Bike Crash

Weird News : Texas appeals court: Monkeys and chimps can't sue

Image Edited By MOHSIN RIZVI

SAN ANTONIO — A Texas appeals court has affirmed a lower court decision that nine chimpanzees and monkeys that were brought to the Primarily Primates sanctuary in 2006 don't have a legal right to sue.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had sought to gain legal standing for the primates transferred from Ohio State University to the sanctuary after they were retired. PETA alleged that the sanctuary conditions were substandard and that it would be best for the seven chimps and two monkeys to be moved to another sanctuary.
The animals were later moved to the Chimp Haven sanctuary in Louisiana after the Texas attorney general placed Primarily Primates in receivership for six months. Primarily Primates, which has since restructured its board, is suing to have the animals returned.
The 4th Court of Appeals on Wednesday affirmed the lower court decision dismissing the case in September 2006.
PETA said it was considering whether to appeal.
"The receiver's report of the substandard facilities at Primarily Primates, Inc. (PPI), described horrific conditions for the animals there, from which some of the animals were saved as a result of litigation," PETA said in a statement.
Priscilla Feral, chairwoman of a restructured Primarily Primates board, applauded the ruling.
"We are glad that this wrong-headed lawsuit which PETA filed against a sanctuary is finally over and we can get on with bettering the lives of each and every animal under our care," she said.

The Divorce Lawyer

Image Edited By MOHSIN RIZVI

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Alternate Universe

Go to School

Smile in the sky

Two In One Grave

Image Edited By MOHSIN RIZVI

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" " Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.' "

Poor Pig

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

Annoying Boy On Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunkard and your mom was a mad woman?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

Hate Bush & Get a free Cupcake

Here we have President George W. Bush starting, once again, a new trend. Got a cupcake fetish? Just hungry? Poor, homeless, broke, whatever - this burger and cupcake joint offers free cupcakes if you tell them you hate Bush.

Rules & Regulations

Some Rules & Regulations for This Blog :-
1) Abusive Language should not be used

2) Vulgar Images will not be tolerated

3) "Say No to Racism" Racism not Allowed

Hi

One day a woman walks onto a bus. The driver looks over and says "That is a very ugly baby!" Offended, the women walks to the back of the bus and sits down next to man there. He sees that she is upset and asks, "What's wrong?" "The bus driver insulted me!" "Okay, you go up there and tell him off and while you're gone I hold your monkey for you."

My Name is Mohsin Rizvi. This blog is basically made to kill time. This blog will have Funny News, Images, Videos. Apart from that it will also have Jokes, Riddles, Cartoons, Games.